Priorities

One of my journal entries is a list of all the "hats" I wear: wife, mother, teacher, chef, taxi-driver, personal shopper, accountant, gardener, maid, saleswoman, handy-ma'am, worship leader, graphic designer, prayer warrior, daughter, disciple, seamstress, etc., etc., etc. With so many things going on around me and so many voices vying for my attention, I often find myself paralyzed by the busy-ness. I feel like Gulliver, tied down by thousands of tiny strings, only instead of Lilliputians at each end there is a chore, an obligation, a person or personal desire each pulling me to the ground. Almost all of them are good things, but together it is just too much to deal with.

So I cried out to God and placed myself at His mercy. I humbled myself in His presence and asked for wisdom. His reply was this: "Seek me daily for priorities; I will lead you. Start with seeking me and I'll order your days. Press in. Pursue me. Build your life around the framework of ME. Make space for me. Let yourself be needy and choose to deny yourself the world's food/pleasure so that you can be hungry for Me."

OK, so I tried waking up every morning and spending 5 or 10 minutes in prayer, asking God what my priorities should be for the day. The first time I did this, God said, "Read to Grace, listen to Katherine and do what J.J. asks of you." I wasn't quite sure what this meant, but I took it seriously and started my day out looking for opportunities to do those things. That morning, Katherine started sharing something that was important to her, and instead of half-listening while cleaning up the kitchen, I stopped and gave her my full attention. At nap time, Grace asked me to read to her and I took the time to do so (even though I was tired and just wanted to get that next load of laundry going). And then later that afternoon, J.J. asked me to watch him do something on the computer. This was a hard one for me, because it felt like such a waste of time (after all, he was absorbed in the game and I was just an onlooker). But it was important to him, so I sat down and watched him for about 10 minutes. At the end of the day as I was sharing this with Sovann, I realized that because I had taken the time to listen to God that morning, I was ready to give what my kids really needed when they really needed it. Cool.

Every day has been different since I started doing this. Some days God has asked me to do very little, once even saying, "This is your day - you can do whatever you want." Other times He has asked me to set aside my whole agenda for the day which was extremely difficult for me to do. Once when I was running around on a Sunday morning, deciding what to wear, worrying about the guests we were hosting in our home, trying to second-guess what would please all the people I'd see that day, I had enough sense to stop and pray. God spoke powerfully and gently as a father chiding his favorite child, "Today is MY DAY, the Lord's day! Why are you kowtowing to the perceived whims of those around you? Consider what is pleasing to Me...and walk in quiet and humble confidence, knowing that you bring me pleasure when you live out of who I've made you to be. Let me into your day and let's walk together down the lane of these next 24 hours."

Somewhere in the past month or two, the kids and I spent a morning praying for our country, reading the Bible, and worshipping through music, dance and painting. I was blown away at how seriously and earnestly they participated, really crying out to God from their little hearts. Katherine said, "I don't know why, but I feel like painting," so I said, "Go for it! Paint whatever God puts in your heart." The first picture she drew was this, and she explained that it depicts all the things we try to balance every day. Again, I was amazed and blessed by the insight of my children!

Now I am starting to face a new challenge. Since school and CYT have started, and we still haven't finished painting the house (and you know we can't have many more dry days left here), and there are several other things I'm still trying to fit on my plate, I've found myself prioritizing my day the night before as I fall asleep. I'm feeling more frazzled and worried and paralyzed again and I guess I need to end my day asking God to help me prioritize and then start the next morning just resting in the knowledge that God's ways are better than my own. I am so glad that my God is good and faithful and wise and holy. I can trust Him like no other because He is perfect in all His ways.

Lord, help me to fight for time with you. It is a battle to push aside all the hats, all the demands, all the worries of life and press in to listen to your still, small voice. When I care to take that time, I can hear you clearly. But it's like the chickadee's song that I hear in my garden - I only notice it if I listen for it above the constant rumble of traffic and lawnmowers and construction and neighbors' voices. Keep singing to me, Lord, and forgive me when I forget to listen. Because your words are true and full of life and there is nothing so sweet as dwelling in your presence.

"In the Garden" by C. Austin Miles

"I come to the garden alone while the dew is still on the rose.

And the voice I hear falling on my ear, the Son of God discloses.
And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known."